So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
