Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
