she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My pussy is not your playground.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
