So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
