I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
