So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
