after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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