tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
