How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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