New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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