Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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