a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
