Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
