WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
