watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I want to fling myself into the sun
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
