im drinking this country out of the recession.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
