He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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