i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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