Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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