but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
