i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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