I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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