Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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