oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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