when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
