Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
