I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
