Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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