I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
