What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
