Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
