Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
