do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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