You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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