Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
