I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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