Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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