ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Pooping to opera.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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