I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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