OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
