dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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