A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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