Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
