i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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