apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You can't just leave with hair like that
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
