what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
