Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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