i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
