your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
