so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i will never coherently bang her
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
