The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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