I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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