So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
