the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
