I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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