her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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