Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
