Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
