Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
